Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
