I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
