Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
