dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
