Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
