would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
