It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
