guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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