apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize