I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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