I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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