You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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