You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
