I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
