He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
