i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
