I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
