Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
