Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
