How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
please come you make the beer taste better
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
