don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
