we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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