I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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