i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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