we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
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