3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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