Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
