none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
