woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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