You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
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