Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
