We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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