people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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