At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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