Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Randomize
