Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i will never coherently bang her
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
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