Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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