he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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