Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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