the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
