I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
