none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you traded sex for a burrito?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
