now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
