OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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