so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
