If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
