oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
