you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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