Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Randomize
