I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize