Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
