It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize