okay pat passed out under dana's car
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
