2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
