Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
