Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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