Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
