How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
My legs feel like baby dolphins
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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