you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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