It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
