Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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