you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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