is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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