Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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