So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
