Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
