anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
