I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
