I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
