just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
