does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
