Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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