I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
