I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
